Okay when I have free time I love to write. I'm always writing about something. I kinda wanna have a book published and I might get its published by Penguin Group. (They are the second largest book publishing company) I have my friends read my stories, but they read so much of my stories they know what i'm doing. *sighs* I write all kinds of stories. Anything you can think of I might have done. I would like other people's opinion. People that don't know my writings or how I write. So when I saw this thread I was so on it. (Thanks Mattie :) ) I write short stories and long ones. I going to start with a short one just to see if you all like it. So please PLEASE tell the truth. I want to be a better writer so your comments will help. thanks (Also I know this the right thread lol)

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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/03/2010 12:12AM by Scofield4424.

Well, good intro. But I don't see the story.

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xDeanWinchesterx
Well, good intro. But I don't see the story.

I'm getting there give me time.

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((Well here is I guess you can say Chapter one. I just wanted to get something up so please tell me what you think okay thanks.))


I was sitting in my seat on the plane watching my Supernatural DVDs on my laptop minding my own business. All of a sudden the plane started to shake violently and the people around me started to panic. The plane jerked to the right and started to shake harder. People were now screaming and crying. The masks dropped from above and people were grabbing them left and right. You could hear people saying “OHMYGODOHMYGOD” and others “We are going to crash” and they were saying what people did not want to hear and that was “We are going to die” Within matters of seconds the plane crashed.

I could hear people screaming out names and crying as well. I could feel heat all around me. I was getting hotter. I opened my eyes and I saw the plane on fire. My eyes widen and I quickly sat up. I looked around and saw that we crashed on an island. There were bodies everywhere.

I reached up to rub my head and felt something wet I pulled my hand away and saw that my head was bleeding. “Hey kid you alright” I heard someone yell, but I didn’t know if the voice was talking to me. “Kid!” It said again. I turned around seeing a guy running toward me. I slowly got up and said “Yea I’m fine. I think,” “You don’t look fine, come on lets get you away from the plane.” He said and we slowly started to walk up the island.

I looked around seeing people running around screaming names. People were walking up the island carrying people or helping people. There were bodies floating in the water and I couldn’t tell if they were dead or alive. “Come on kid there is nothing we can do. There are people that are going to go and get them.” He said and pulled a bit. I couldn’t move, I was to shocked at the scene that was unfolding around me. “Kid” the man, said.

I turned to him. “We can’t do anything.” He said. “There has to be something.” I heard myself say. He looked out into the mess bodies and plane then looked at me and shook his head no. I turned back to the scene. “There has to be something.” I whispered. “Come on kid” he said. I gave a weak nod and turned around. As so we I did half of the plane exploded. Everyone around it screamed in agony. I quickly turned around. The man beside me said something under his breath that I couldn’t hear. “Kid stay here.” He said and ran to help all those who were hurt by the explosion. There were other people running to help as well. ‘this can’t be happening. This is all a dream’ I thought to myself, but I wasn’t waking up. This was all real.

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Scofield4424
Okay when I have free time I love to write. I'm always writing about something. I kinda wanna have a book published and I might get its published by Penguin Group. (They are the second largest book publishing company) I have my friends read my stories, but they read so much of my stories they know what i'm doing. *sighs* I write all kinds of stories. Anything you can think of I might have done. I would like other people's opinion. People that don't know my writings or how I write. So when I saw this thread I was so on it. (Thanks Mattie :) ) I write short stories and long ones. I going to start with a short one just to see if you all like it. So please PLEASE tell the truth. I want to be a better writer so your comments will help. thanks (Also I know this the right thread lol)

You mean you were "on it" over a year after it was created? Heh, at least I don't procrastinate that bad.
(sorry, just had to tease you a bit about that)

Do I see a Wish in the works here? Hm, there might be a thread about that around here somewhere.

I'll start with some advice if you want to be a serious writer. First, don't set your sights on just one publisher - especially a well-known one. Sorry, but they rarely, if ever, take writers off the street without some kind of reference. Second, join a writer's group. A local one where you can meet face-to-face is ideal, but there are online writer's groups too. That's where you're going to get that reference. Third, spell-check, spell-check, spell-check. Then do a spell-check. Fourth, if you want to be published, get away from writing fanfiction unless you're just doing it for practice. Which brings me to the last, most important one: Write! Every day. And don't let your friends discourage you from it.

If it's what you really want to do, start looking at the English department in different colleges to see if they have a writing program. Don't let your learning disability discourage you from going to college either - use it to your advantage. Most good schools have special arrangements for people with LDs, such as giving you longer to take tests. I knew one girl at Texas A&M who had dyslexia, but she didn't let that stop her from getting into college - she just had to work harder than most students there and give up more of her free time, but she did it. You can even find good English classes at community or junior colleges too, and you can use that as a stepping stone to a university. What you'll learn in those classes is invaluable.

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Scofield4424
((Well here is I guess you can say Chapter one. I just wanted to get something up so please tell me what you think okay thanks.))
[snip for space]

Ok, I'm not really a fan of Lost, so I have to stick with the technical side. You have a good writing style (why have we not seen this side before? hm? ). You stick with active verbs most of the time, but I see some passive verbs slipping in every once in a while. For an action story like this one, you want to keep it as "active" as possible. One lesson I'll never forget from my first writing class (yes, I was a Creative Writing major at A&M): Go through your story/essay/article and locate all the passive "to be" verbs. They are: AM, IS, ARE, WAS, WERE, BE, BEING, BEEN. Circle them with a red pen or marker. Don't forget contractions too: I'm, we're, it's = I AM, we ARE, it IS. Try to change as many as you can into an ACTIVE verb. Example: He was running down the beach >>> He RAN down the beach. You won't be able to eliminate all of them, and in some cases you won't want to, such as dialogue. Not every story needs to eliminate passive verbs, but action stories always do. Shorter sentences also imply quicker action (I personally suck at that, I know.)

Again, I'm not a fan of Lost, so I have to say it wasn't original enough to keep my attention for a full-length story (fans of Lost will enjoy reading more, just like fans of Supernatural read SN fanfics). Fanfics are the easiest kind of stories to write and the hardest kind to publish (the writers of the SN books aren't "fans". they're established genre writers that were tapped by their publishers to write the books.) You already have established characters, backgrounds, characteristics, which the readers will be familiar with, so you can skip a bit of exposition. The trick is to put your own spin on it, create an original character or situation and don't do what the original show has already done (seriously if I read one more fanfic where Dean says "best sandwich EVER" or calls for pie, I might start hurling monkey feces at the authors). Even in fanfics, BE ORIGINAL. Your readers will appreciate it and spread the word.

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thanks mattie for all the advice. And OMG I HATE LOST!!!!! I wasn't trying to go for that. I just used the first part of the story from my eassy for my pod class. I just liked the beginning. They will get off the island really fast and thats when the exciting things will happen. just stay with it. please. and i'll clean up on everything. Thanks again mattie. :) your the best :D!!

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((okay i haven't been able to work on this story for a while...with school and senior stuff i gotta got pouned with HW. But HA HA HA I HAVE DONE IT ALL. Now back to the important things.))


It was getting dark out and there were still some people missing. The screaming had died down a bit, but not by much. There were still some people yelling out for loved ones. I sat there on a dead loge that fell what seemed like a long time ago. I watched at people gathered wood from the woods that were behind me and along the beach. "People with nothing to do could be helping" A voice said behind me. "Yes will I read that if you are in shock that you should stay still and take everything in" I replied not looking behind me. "Oh, now where have you read that. I would like to see it." The voiced moved closer. "I would gladly show you, but is seems I left my Internet at home. Oh pooh" I couldn't help but be a grouch. "See, I think that is what you want me to think" The voice was now behind me. I turned around and there was a guy behind me. I couldn't really see him that well, but he looked around my age. 18. "Think what you want" I sighed and turned back to the beach. The guy moved and sat down beside me. "Names Brandin" He said. "Hi" I replied not really wanting to talk. "See I tell you my name and you tell me your." Brandin said. "Kelly" I said. "See now that wasn't so hard, was it Kelly?" I could feel him smiling. "What do you want?” I asked. "To get off this place, but I don't think you can help with that." He said. I scoffed. "No? Really? I thought I was going to get us off. Darn." I turned to him. "But really, why are you here. I mean talking to me." I asked "Well I saw you over here alone and I don't know. Thought ya would like some company." Brandin said. I gave a small smile. "Guess I do need some company" I said and looked at everyone. Brandin looked where I was looking. "Why did this happen?" I asked myself more then to Brandin. "Only god knows why." He said. "Hey lets go move over by one of the fires. Its getting kind of cold." Brandin said as she stood up and held out a hand to me. "Sounds good to me." I smiled and took his hand. He helped me up and we walked together to the large fire. "GUYS, EVERYBODY, I HAVE A SIGNAL ON MY CELL PHONE" Someone screamed. "Call for help!" Someone yelled. The person nodded and called. I was shocked the call went through. "Yes...hello...we need help" "Wow it worked" Brandin said. "I know i'm shocked. We are going to get off of here." I smiled. "THERE SENDING HELP!!!" The person screamed. Everyone around yelled and hollared. I smiled and turned to Brandin "We ARE getting off" I couldn't help but smile. "I know. This is great. Amazing." Brandin said.

((Well short, but good. i'll get more up. thanks for reading!!))

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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2010 10:26PM by Scofield4424.